Game Over, folks. I kicked Lester out of the guesthouse today. When I told him it was all over, he bit his own tongue until he began bleeding profusely. He proceeded to write in blood and on my white walls: "The most devastating part of writing "Jason Congdon" with my own blood is that it's not like I'm actually obsessed with him. I'm really just obsessed with the idea that someone could actually be as fixated on him as I pretend to b." He ran out of blood for the final "e," and declared he was content with the typo lest he lose consciousness from more blood loss.
Well, I am sorry you had to endure this peculiar faggotry that was Lester's blogging. This website was supposed to be about orthodontia. And the life of an incredibly social, well-heeled orthodontist. I envisioned writing about new procedures I'd pioneered, and the cars and women such pioneering enabled me to afford. I have as many Corvettes as limbs, in case any of you wondered. I've sampled women throughout the world, and I can say with authority that Brazilian pussy is the finest. It has a buttery aftertaste with a fine hint of syrupy cucumber. My life, of course, is the story of personal success, and this blog was supposed to chronicle that. Let me adjust my hand, here. My Rolex was banging against the keyboard. I gotta write a note about something. I'm going to write on the back of my Vail 2006 Skiing Season Pass. Actually, maybe I'll use that envelope my Laker Season Tickets came in. Or I could just write on that $50 bill on the floor. Well, there is no note, but you get the point, right? I'm 6"2". There's something to be said for being sized like that. Really forces you to look at the world anthropologically and realize what an alpha male you are. Anyway, I know Lester somehow linked this blog up with some Yalies. Way to pick a school only based on name, people.! I went to the University of Illinois and make $897,000 a year. Education means nothing. The only thing that matters is how high you end up. From what I hear, Yale girls are ugly as shit. But I do like my women young (though legal), so if anyone here knows a girl who's really into sex and rich men, please direct them my way. Tell them I'm a very tall example of natural selection at work with a shitload of money. I'd take them out to eat, show them a good time. The number of my brand new Motorola Razor is 310-788-9098.
Lester was supposed to be updating the site with news on my latest headgear patent application. I got the patent, but of course you didn't hear that from Lester. What a snake. Funny thing how a man walks into your life an African American and leaves a nigger. Needless to say, there will be some huge changes here at immortalized stillicide, whose name, by the way, refers to the concave liquid nitrogen based saliva modeling machine I thought up while staring at a patient's crystallizing spit during a Doctors Without Borders mission to straighten Eskimo teeth. My first patent. I was 28.
So I want this site to be more mainstream. I want more video, more pictures, less weird humor, more genuine fun. Anyone got any ideas, let me know. As long as it involves orthodonture and me, anything goes. I will be looking for a new partner, so those interested should apply. Lester unfortunately knows my username and password, so we might just start a new blog altogether if he begins hijacking. Anyway, it's a proud day in the Kinbote household. Daughter's got a brand new life ahead of her. Lester's a distant memory hitchhiking his way to Vegas last I heard. I appreciated this introduction. It was a pleasure to meet you, readers. And at such a momentous time in my life. It's not everyday you get to jettison a treemonkey.